I just recently celebrated my birthday, and I’m at a point in my life where I either accept who I am or live the rest of my life with regret. So I think it’s time for me to say this…
Yes, I am vegan and I get enough protein! So please stop asking me where I get my protein!! Just kidding. 😆
I am gay.
Some have either assumed it or thought it. But yes I am, and I’m proud to be!
As a Christian, I struggled for the longest time because I couldn’t see how God would love me if I was gay. People around me expressed that being gay means God hates you, you’ll go to hell and/or that it is shameful. It’s only the past year that I accepted who I am, and I know that God loves me for me.
Happy Pride Week y’all!! And in celebration of Pride Week, I am officially outing myself! 🏳️🌈🙊 Being raised in a conservative Christian family, it was hard to accept myself because I’ve been taught that everything “gay” is bad & wrong. Yet I realized that I can be gay and still maintain my faith (they’re not mutually exclusive)! I’m accepting myself for who I really am; I’m tired of hiding myself and living a lie. I love myself for who I am, and more importantly, God loves me for me. ❤ Some words of wisdom from Rupaul: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” 🌈 #yyc #vegan #donuts #pride — P.S. I wrote a short blog post about my experience as a closeted gay person, and if you’re interested, the link is in my bio!
The struggle growing up
Growing up, it’s been a struggle to accept who I am. I was raised in a Christian, conservative Filipino family, so you can imagine how much scrutiny I was subject to. Every time I did something “feminine,” like hang out with girls or talk like a valley girl, I was shamed and called out by my parents (my mom especially). Because of this constant calling out, I felt the need to inhibit my personality, emotions and behaviour to fit the mould created by my parents.
Because I was bullied for being “acting like a girl” as a child, I didn’t like hanging out with other guys. Most of the friends I made at school are girls, since they were nicer, friendlier and welcoming. But, my mom told me not to hang out with girls so that other people wouldn’t say I was gay.
So, I chose to keep my friends and school persona secret from my family. Whenever the topic of school & friends came up, I felt nervous because I didn’t want to say who my friends were. I wouldn’t invite my friends to any parties, and I wouldn’t let them hang out at my house. When I was with my family, I’d stay away from my friends.
My circle of close friends—whom I still call my close friends to this day—taught me that it was okay for me be flamboyant, funny and crazy. They really helped me break out of my shell, and they helped shape who I am today. With them, I could be whoever I want without thinking that they’ll judge me. And this gave me confidence.
I am who I am
Throughout my school years, I kept focus on school so I wouldn’t think about being gay. It was something I still couldn’t accept myself. “This is just a phase,” I told myself, “It’ll pass.” I thought that I would eventually find the “right” girl who’ll turn me straight.
As I became older, I felt like the dream of having a “normal” straight life was inching further and further away. I was still attracted to guys, and I couldn’t shake it off. Even though I saw gay people around, I still felt that I couldn’t come out. Perhaps it was because of my upbringing, but I still couldn’t accept being gay.
Graduating university gave me a lot of time to think and reflect about myself. I couldn’t run away from my feelings any longer, and I had to face it head on. And it was only the last year that I accepted my identity.
I am who I am, and I don’t want to deny this part of me anymore. I’ve hid this as a secret for years, but now I don’t want to lie to myself and others anymore. Owning and accepting this makes me more whole as a person, and I don’t have to hide my personality.
Being gay and Christian
Being a Christian means following the teachings of Jesus. Jesus never once said that God hated gay people. Rather, he included and loved EVERYONE, no matter their age, gender, ethnicity, colour, sexual orientation, etc. Jesus taught on the basis of love and acceptance, not of ignorance and hate.
Yes, I am gay. And yes, I am a Christian. They are not mutually exclusive. My being gay doesn’t affect my faith whatsoever, nor should it concern other peoples’ lives. I came out for me, to be just as God created me.
LGBTQ+ and the Church
The church (as a whole) and many Christians still view being LGBTQ+ as a choice and a sin. However, IT IS NOT A CHOICE TO BE GAY. Just as straight people haven’t chosen to be straight, gay people haven’t chosen to be gay. So many are quick to judge and condemn gay people
While the church is gradually becoming more inclusive towards the LGBTQ+ community, there has been so much hurt and pain in the past. Many LGBTQ+ people have clung to this pain, and can’t shake past. The church and community needs to change their perspective about the LGBTQ+ community. Jesus accepted everyone, and we (as Christians) need to do the same.
I’m gay and that’s okay
It’s freaking 2017. Times change. People change. Societies change. But the one thing that remains the same is God. God loves and wants me for me. He loves my flaws, my strengths, my personality, my shortcomings…everything about me, He loves.
I initially didn’t want to say this so publicly, but I think my story may resonate with other people struggling with their sexuality and faith. Yes, I’m gay, but that’s only one part of my identity. I find my identity in Jesus first and foremost, and everything else about me is secondary.
If you want to read my full story of my struggle accepting myself, check out part 2 here!